


Cereal (Killer)

by godfmischief



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Gen, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm bad at Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-10-30 22:22:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17837234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/godfmischief/pseuds/godfmischief
Summary: Loki reads the packaging from a box of cereal. It's the accidental fic you never asked for.





	Cereal (Killer)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [childlikeempress](https://archiveofourown.org/users/childlikeempress/gifts).



“I can understand why Odin felt Midgard a suitable place for his son’s incarceration. This planet is as tacky and overfed as Thor himself.”

 

Loki’s droll words snapped Jane’s attention from her phone. She glanced up from a screen of images to stare in puzzlement at the current object of his scorn. A cereal box.

 

“Huh?”

 

“Fortified with Uru for mighty energy,” Loki quoted distastefully, “free Mjolnir hammer inside!” Flipping to the back of the box, he scanned the ingredient list; contempt pinching his face into a sneer. “Do people actually believe this rubbish? The only thing these hideous little pellets are fortified with is coronary disease. Have you seen how much sugar is in a serving?”

 

“What would a near-immortal being such as yourself know of coronary disease?” Giving up on her attempts to figure out Snapchat, Jane grabbed a bowl from the cupboard and reached for the cereal.

 

“The magic of the internet, my dear.” Loki held the box above her head, forcing her to bounce on her toes to swipe at it. ”What else do you think I do in your squalid little apartment all day while you're off looking for the keys to the universe? Jump around the furniture playing The Floor is Lava?”

 

“I kinda figured you spend most of your time planning your next attempt at world domination.” Jabbing Loki hard enough in the stomach to make him double over, Jane grabbed the box from his hands and rifled through it in search of the little plastic hammer.

 

“Oh there’s no need to bother,” Loki scoffed as he straightened himself with as much dignity as he could muster, “all I have to do is sit back and wait for humanity to consume enough Thorrios and Cap’n Ameri-Crunch to die from diabetes and cancer.”

 

Swatting the mini-Mjolnir from Jane’s hand, he twirled the gaudy plastic toy between his fingers; lips pulling back into a sneer as yet another barb formed itself upon his tongue. The trinket dropped from his grasp, halting his insult as it clinked upon the linoleum.

 

“Oh.” The smile Jane offered was sugary sweet as she swooped to pick up the hammer and slip it into her pocket. “Guess you’re not worthy.”

 

Sashaying from the kitchen, Jane left a gobsmacked Loki in her wake. Having Thor's serial killer of a brother take refuge in her apartment wasn’t the most ideal babysitting arrangement to find herself cajoled into, but she figured if she could get one up on the God of Mischief every now and then, it might almost be worth her while. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this as a reply to Childlikeempress's comment (on Enemy of My Enemy) that "you could probably write a short fic of Loki reading the nutrition label off a box of cereal and I'd still favorite & subscribe". But then I thought... Bugger it, I'm literally going to post this ridiculous lil thing as a story. Challenge accepted! However unwittingly it was made! So here we have my wee take on the near-nostalgic cliche that is the 'Jane's forced to babysit Thor's meddlesome brother' trope. It's also something of an ode to Avengers fan art cereal. (I was going to write Loki Charms or Iron Bran into this, but Thorrios gave me the perfect set up for Loki to try to wield Mjolnir once and for all.)
> 
> This was a fun exercise to try and break through the writers block that hits me every time I try and continue one of my outstanding Loki fics. Eh, I'm not sure if it's going to help me to progress those stories at all, or if it'll just start me on a new series of random oneshots set in some kind of Babysitting Loki universe but... Either way, I hope anyone who's reading this so far takes up my own personal challenge to comment, favourite and subscribe to this literary masterpiece! *wink wink* 
> 
> [...]
> 
> *crickets chirp*
> 
> [...]
> 
> *tumbleweeds roll by*


End file.
